use to be...

' If you think you know me, you don't know me very well, but is okay, I don't blame you, cuz I wont let you in my life too. Your spirits is not with me, your love is not here for me, your soul hasn't choose me, but is okay, cuz I wont let you in to it, cuz, my love is not for your love, cuz, my soul is not ment to be with you, cuz, my spirits is for myself, for someone who knows me very well and accept the way I am..., so You don't know me,...yet'...

You know...
sometime I just wish to have no man in my life, I've been a lot of pain, kind different pain, the pain with sorrow, hurts, tears, broken, red eyes, sleepless night, to early to wake, no food or eating a lot of food, try to forget the pain... it's hurts. You don't wanna hurts no more. You don't want to cry, you don't want to be that woman again, you want to be dead again and born again and start over and over, but even then, you make the same troubles or the same mistake, the questions is always, 'what did you learn about your life' ... Why did you choose this life? Or do you need to?

sometime If you wish, you better be alone, cuz you don't want to feel pain, again, you don't want to feel jelaousy, you don't want to feel untrust...that's means, you still scare of yourself, of your own created life! Pretend if you want to be or feel happy, stay's for short terms, cuz you can't hide the feeling inside you. It will come out, when or how, it will suprise you. Or you can controle it, you can controle and try to hide for long terms, but when a tiny broken tears are coming out and falling on the ground, on your shirts, then maybe it's too late... but is okay... it doesn't matter... but ask yourself, for how long do you want to stay this way? ...

When you wake up next morning... think this '  I thank you for this morning, I thank you for this life, I thank you for I'm healty person, I thank you for the love I receive, I thank you for this morning, I thank you for a new life! Only the greatest love, you will live like a love person, for everyone.... but that's is so easy to say... I know, but try it...

but I know for sure, this is the last one in my life, the only person that stay as a man for me is my son. The man will come and go... but the woman will always stay forever... I wish I don't want to feel pain.....just feel.. free...

use to be....